Three Things I Will Not Do as a Mom

Every parent-to-be says things like, “Oh I will never be that kind of parent” and “I would never say/do something like that.” I wonder how many times these early affirmations actually hold true? I would guess not as often as one would hope.

Which is exactly why I am going to avoid making too many pledges about what type of mom I am going to be and what I will and will not do. Sure, I have a basic idea and I know the certain values I want to instill in my little Pippa. However, it is silly to think I have everything figured out already. I will do what works and fits into my overall ideals as the time comes.

That being said, there are three things I know for sure that I will not do when I am a parent. (If you can’t tell as you read the following, the inspiration for this blog struck me while I was walking through the mall parking lot to grab lunch this afternoon).

• Everyone, here me now when I say I will NOT drive a minivan. Useful and functional…. Yes, maybe. But a nice cross-over or SUV can serve that same purpose without the instant soccer mom image.

• I will NOT put a “Baby on Board” sign in my window. Those things drive me nuts. All I can think is, “Well good thing you told me that, because otherwise I was planning on running you off the road!”

• I will NOT put a stick figure family in my rear window. Although, I have always thought it would be pretty funny to do that with one female decal, and about 50 cat decals, just so everyone would think I am a crazy cat lady.

 

 

Please feel free to call me out if in the future I am doing any of the above, and remind me of this very post.

 

You Can't Do That! (the Pregnancy "No-Nos" I Miss Most)

There are many joys that come with pregnancy, such as.....

The amazing love you feel for the little bean growing inside of you.
If you are lucky, your skin will get the wonderful “pregnancy glow”.
Your hair will most likely become luscious and thick, and your nails will be stronger than ever before.
As your baby bump becomes more evident, you will put a smile on a stranger’s face, and you will beam as they ask you questions about your due date, if you are having a boy or girl, etc.

You will celebrate this miracle with your closest family and friends, and you will oooh and ahhhh together over the teeny tiny baby clothes received at your shower.

 

Yes, there are many joys of pregnancy.
 

There are also many things you have to give up. And those things suck. Here is a list of the things I miss the most:

• Caffeine – This sacrifice has been the toughest, because I love my coffee bold and strong in the mornings. I still wake up craving Stabucks’ Italian roast made in my French press, but instead I unsuccessfully attempt to fool my body and taste buds with a decaffeinated blend. (FYI, some studies suggest up to 200 mg of caffeine will not harm your baby. Admittedly, I have had an occasional cup of regular….but I do believe it is best to just avoid caffeine altogether).

My morning love

 

• Alcohol – First of all I miss wine….there is nothing like a nice full-bodied cabernet sauvignon or a smooth malbec after a long day at work. Of course, let’s not forget beer, specifically, an IPA that is more bitter than a woman who was left by her husband of 20 years for a young, buxom blonde and more hoppy than Easter.

• Sushi – Spicy tuna rolls have never sounded more delicious. Fresh, melt in your mouth yellow fin tuna…Need I say more?

• Hot Yoga – I used to love attending classes with my favorite girls, but this is another pregnancy no-no (along with any other vigorous exercise), since it raises your body temperature and heart rate significantly. Also, non-prenatal yoga classes such as the ones I was attending often involve:
• balancing poses (which should be avoided due to the risk of falling),
• deep abdomen stretches and exercises (which should be avoided since ligaments relax during pregnancy and there is risk of pulling/straining muscles),
• lying on the back poses (which should be avoided for prolonged period due to pressure from your enlarged uterus and fetus on the vena cava, a vein that returns blood to the heart ),
• and lying on the stomach poses (which are obviously pretty much impossible with a pregnant belly).

 

Wheel Pose

• Deli Meat – I would kill for an Italian sub right now, or a ham and cheese on white bread, or a turkey club. Unfortunately, I can't due to the risk of listeria (which is funny, because every outbreak I've heard of recently has been related to produce, NOT deli meat!)

• Stomach Sleeping– I guess this isn’t something that is necessarily “against the rules”, but simply becomes impossible as your belly grows. Up until about 16 weeks I was still able to sleep in my normal position, but now I have been resorted to side sleeping, supported by a heap of pillows.

 

My pre-pregnancy sleeping position

• Pepto Bismol – Some of the many glorious side effects of pregnancy are indigestion, nausea, and heartburn. Pepto would be the perfect cure, except it is not recommended for pregnant women…. Go figure!

• Runny Eggs – I am usually a scrambled eggs girl, but every once in a while I crave something like Huevos Rancheros…..with yummy, oozy, over-easy eggs. But due to the risk of salmonella, I am not supposed to indulge in this over the border delight.

I think that about sums up my list of lamentations. Is there something I didn't mention that you missed while pregnant?

The "R-Word"

You may have missed it, but in the news recently was this tweet made by Ann Coulter (see below) and the response from Special Olympian John Franklin Stephens. This really got me thinking about the use of the word “retard” in today’s society.

 

 

While I am not defending Ann’s comment or saying she wasn’t wrong in her choice of words, part of me wonders her actual intention in the phrase. Stop and think for a minute about how often you hear people (regretfully myself included) saying, “Oh, I am such a retard; I did blah, blah, blah wrong,” or “That assignment the teacher gave us is so retarded!”

 

This interchangeable use of the R-word for something we perceive as silly, stupid, or of the like, has become extremely pervasive in the vocabulary of today’s generation. Heck, even the Black Eyed Peas made a very popular song called “Let’s Get Retarded” (later retitled to the more radio friendly “Let’s Get it Started”).

 

Thinking about the aforementioned song, what is the underlying message? Simply, the BEPs are using “retarded” as a synonym for (extremely) intoxicated or going all out crazy /partying. These actions are characterized by a disregard and ignorance of consequences, incoherence, low coordination, and flat out inane behavior. Therefore, it can be reasoned that the BEPs are saying that people considered medically “retarded” have those characteristics. I doubt that the song writers purposefully intended to make fun of the cognitively impaired, but isn’t that exactly what the song does?

 

One can argue that it is just a figure of speech; that it is only slang. Those excuses are only half true, however, because it while it is slang it is also a form of hate speech. This might seem like an extreme assertion at first, but consider the definition of the term:

 

“Hate Speech is, outside the law, communication that vilifies (belittles, criticizes, etc.) a person or a group on the basis of color, disability, ethnicity, gender, nationality, race, religion, sexual orientation, or other characteristics” -From Wikipedia.

 

To me that pretty much describes the use of the R-word in today’s culture, which unfortunately has become so common that no one stops to think of the group it is disrespecting and demeaning. Intentional or not, it is a put-down to the intellectually disabled.

 

As I mentioned above, I have been guilty of using the R-word many times myself, and therefore I am not intending to criticize everyone that uses the term. I merely want to share my thoughts about something that I never took the time to consider until the issue hit close to home.

 

 

 

 

Honestly, deep down I have always known it (the R-word) wasn’t appropriate, considering I knew to filter my choice of words while in a professional setting. Regrettably I wasn’t so careful about using the term around other people. I look back and wonder how many people I might have inadvertently hurt by using the R-word, and wish I could apologize.

 

My hope for the future is that more people realize the hurt certain words can cause, even if they don’t mean them to. I will have to be an advocate for my daughter as well as help her become her own self-advocate. Does this mean I will call people out when I hear them use the R-word slangily? Maybe, maybe not…I suppose it depends on the situation.

 

What it does mean is I will at the very least modify my own language, and this is not limited to the R-word.

(Gay is another commonly used word used in a similar way).

 

 

 

Heart of the Matter, Part 2

The Echo

A few weeks ago I finally had the fetal echo(cardiogram) that I mentioned in my first Heart of the Matter post. The echo is simply a sonogram in which they look at the heart in detail.

My wonderful boyfriend was able to make it to this appointment, and I was very thankful for that. Since he lives so far away, this is only the second appointment he has been to. We knew the doctor could potentially tell us serious news about our daughter's heart, so there was a lot of anxiety walking into the ultrasound room....now a very familiar place to me.

As usual the technician began the appointment by squeezing the warm gel onto my ever growing baby bump. She picked up the wand, and in a few seconds little Pippa appeared up on the screen. The technician did her best to make us comfortable as she went about her assessment. The small talk was not enough to keep me from wondering what every click she made meant.

After about a half hour of taking all sorts of pictures and videos of our girl's heart, she left the room to get the doctor. He came in and picked up the wand, then began repeating a lot of the same things the technician did. As he was doing so, he and the technician exchanged medical talk that was beyond my understanding.

21 week sonogram... Pippa salutes!

Suddenly, I became very flush and lightheaded. I am not sure if it was the anxiety of the appointment, the now forty-five minutes of pushing and prodding by the sonogram wand, Pippa's kicks and punches back at the wand which was apparently disturbing her, or all the heat being generated by the equipment, but I felt as if I was about to either vomit or pass-out. The technician obviously noticed my discomfort, which I was trying to hide so the doctor could finish up. She began to fan me with a folder she was holding and I rolled onto my side a bit, which marginally alleviated some of my dizziness.

The doctor finished up quickly, and I slowly began to regain my composure. He then started to tell us what he had seen. Unfortunately, he didn't have any conclusive answers. The doctor told us he was suspicious based on what he saw that there was a heart defect, but the heart was still too small for him to be sure and make a definite diagnosis. He referred us to a pediatric cardiologist, and said we should schedule with him in approximately three weeks.

That appointment was on Friday.

Another Echo

It progressed very similarly to the first echo, although I was alone at this appointment. The faint feeling even returned about thirty to forty minutes into the echo. From this I conclude that anything over a half hour is too long for a sonogram. Luckily this time there was a tower fan in the room, and once this was turned on and pointed directly at me I felt tremendously better.

Unlike the first exam, however, the cardiologist had answers for me about what is going on with Pippa's heart. It was not the news I was hoping for, but the news I had been bracing myself for.

The Diagnosis

The doctor told me that based on what he saw, he is quite certain that Piper's heart has an AV Canal defect. As I mentioned in the first Heart of the Matter post, this is the most common heart defect in babies with Down syndrome. What this means is the septum of the heart (the part dividing the two left chambers and the two right chambers) is not complete. Also, there should be two separate valves between the top and bottom chambers (the atria and the ventricles), but due to the incomplete septum there is just one large valve. This defect allows for co-mingling of the blood returning from the body and the blood returning from the lungs.

 

Normal Four-Chamber Heart
 



Heart with AV Canal Defect



Pippa will need open heart surgery around two to six months in order to fix this defect, but the doctor explained that the defect will not affect the rest of my pregnancy or her birth. The doctor also assured me that the surgery has an extremely high success rate, and her Down syndrome will not increase the risk of the surgery.

Even so, I cannot help but be worried about what the future holds. I am trying to just relax and take it one day at a time, but the thought of my little girl undergoing such a serious surgery at such a young age terrifies me. I know that Piper Grace is a fighter already though, and she is strong like her momma. In the meantime, all I can do is stay calm and carry on.