The "R-Word"

You may have missed it, but in the news recently was this tweet made by Ann Coulter (see below) and the response from Special Olympian John Franklin Stephens. This really got me thinking about the use of the word “retard” in today’s society.

 

 

While I am not defending Ann’s comment or saying she wasn’t wrong in her choice of words, part of me wonders her actual intention in the phrase. Stop and think for a minute about how often you hear people (regretfully myself included) saying, “Oh, I am such a retard; I did blah, blah, blah wrong,” or “That assignment the teacher gave us is so retarded!”

 

This interchangeable use of the R-word for something we perceive as silly, stupid, or of the like, has become extremely pervasive in the vocabulary of today’s generation. Heck, even the Black Eyed Peas made a very popular song called “Let’s Get Retarded” (later retitled to the more radio friendly “Let’s Get it Started”).

 

Thinking about the aforementioned song, what is the underlying message? Simply, the BEPs are using “retarded” as a synonym for (extremely) intoxicated or going all out crazy /partying. These actions are characterized by a disregard and ignorance of consequences, incoherence, low coordination, and flat out inane behavior. Therefore, it can be reasoned that the BEPs are saying that people considered medically “retarded” have those characteristics. I doubt that the song writers purposefully intended to make fun of the cognitively impaired, but isn’t that exactly what the song does?

 

One can argue that it is just a figure of speech; that it is only slang. Those excuses are only half true, however, because it while it is slang it is also a form of hate speech. This might seem like an extreme assertion at first, but consider the definition of the term:

 

“Hate Speech is, outside the law, communication that vilifies (belittles, criticizes, etc.) a person or a group on the basis of color, disability, ethnicity, gender, nationality, race, religion, sexual orientation, or other characteristics” -From Wikipedia.

 

To me that pretty much describes the use of the R-word in today’s culture, which unfortunately has become so common that no one stops to think of the group it is disrespecting and demeaning. Intentional or not, it is a put-down to the intellectually disabled.

 

As I mentioned above, I have been guilty of using the R-word many times myself, and therefore I am not intending to criticize everyone that uses the term. I merely want to share my thoughts about something that I never took the time to consider until the issue hit close to home.

 

 

 

 

Honestly, deep down I have always known it (the R-word) wasn’t appropriate, considering I knew to filter my choice of words while in a professional setting. Regrettably I wasn’t so careful about using the term around other people. I look back and wonder how many people I might have inadvertently hurt by using the R-word, and wish I could apologize.

 

My hope for the future is that more people realize the hurt certain words can cause, even if they don’t mean them to. I will have to be an advocate for my daughter as well as help her become her own self-advocate. Does this mean I will call people out when I hear them use the R-word slangily? Maybe, maybe not…I suppose it depends on the situation.

 

What it does mean is I will at the very least modify my own language, and this is not limited to the R-word.

(Gay is another commonly used word used in a similar way).

 

 

 

October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month!

In the past years, Down syndrome is becoming better understood as the community strengthens and strives to educate others. Unlike in the seventies where those diagnosed with DS were commonly institutionalized, there is now a realization that with the proper therapies and care people with Down syndrome can lead fulfilling, productive, and “normal” lives.

There is still a long way to go, however, when you consider that 9 out of 10 babies diagnosed prenatally with Down syndrome are aborted. I firmly believe that this statistic is largely due to a lack of understanding and knowledge. I discuss some of my personal thoughts on this matter in my post, A Choice.

They bottom line is though, despite all the possible health problems and developmental delays a child with Down syndrome may have, they will overcome more than you can ever imagine. They will amaze you every day and bring more joy and love than you ever thought possible. I believe this, and my baby girl still has 20 weeks left in my belly.

 

So, in honor of Down Syndrome Awareness Month check out your local Buddy Walk, an advocacy event to promote the inclusion and acceptance of people with Down syndrome.

Also, check out this "Wall of Awesome" at Noah's Dad.com, which is a post where parents can share their wonderful stories about raising children with Down syndrome.

A Short Story

Someone posted this story on a Facebook group for parents of children with Down syndrome, and I had to share it on here. I hope you all enjoy!

 

GOD CHOOSES A MOM FOR A DISABLED CHILD

by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of disabled children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of disabled children are chosen ?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

“Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew.”

“Forrester, Marjorie; daughter; patron saint, Cecelia.”

“Rudledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint… give her Gerard. He’s used to profanity.”

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, “Give her a disabled child.”

The angel is curious. “Why this one, God ? She’s so happy.”

“Exactly,” smiles God.

“Could I give a disabled child a mother who does not know laughter ? That would be cruel.”

“But has she patience ?” asks the angel.

“I don’t want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she’ll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and Independence. She’ll have to teach the child to live in her world and that’s not going to be easy.”

“But, Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.”

God smiles. “No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.”

The angel gasps, “Selfishness ? Is that a virtue ?”

God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she’ll never survive. Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child less then perfect. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a ‘spoken word.’ She will never consider a ‘step’ ordinary. When her child says ‘Momma’ for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it ! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

I will permit her to see clearly the things I see — ignorance, cruelty, prejudice — and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.”

“And what about her patron saint ?” asks the angel, his pen poised in midair.

God smiles. ” A mirror will suffice.”

My Mission Statement

Although I have already written a couple posts, I would like to introduce this blog in a more proper manner. The subtitle pretty much says it all; I will be writing about my pregnancy and eventually about raising a child with Down syndrome. If you have read my first two entries you know they were very personal and ventured into some deep emotions. Not every post will be that way…I want to be able to capture all aspects of this journey. In the future expect ramblings that reflect elation and joy, fear and apprehension, silliness and lightheartedness. Above all each one will be honest about my experiences in hopes to inspire, educate, or just entertain. Thank you for taking the time to visit my page; I hope you will return and follow me on my adventure into parenthood!

Much Love,

Meghan

A song I feel is quite appropriate :)