A Prequel to The Beginning (You'll Change Your Mind)

Life as of early June couldn’t have been going any better. At 28 years old, everything was finally working out just as I planned: promising career, wonderful friends, and a beautiful new apartment…all in a city I absolutely loved. Besides making sure the bills were paid every month, I didn’t have a care in the world. My social schedule almost always revolved around an alcohol based activity, and when I wasn’t drinking IPA or vodka I most likely could be found practicing hot yoga or shopping at local boutiques.



Flaunting an @$$ not meant for mom jeans

I also had been dating a wonderful man for the past year. Although we were long-distance, our relationship was perfect and progressing just as I wanted it to. I felt very lucky to have met him; it is not often you meet someone you get along so easily and naturally with. We also shared many of the same important life views, one of which was prospect of having children in the future. Although a few of our reasons may have varied slightly, neither of us had intentions of becoming parents.



A doodle I made of our relationship

So what were my reasons for not wanting kids? They are expensive, they cause endless worry, they place limitations on just about every aspect of your social life, and they are messy (and stinky, and loud). Of course, these reasons are just a quick and dirty summary. The truth of the matter was that opting out of having offspring is something I just always knew, an innate feeling. Since I was old enough to start seriously thinking about the future, I just never dreamed of having children. It isn’t that I don’t like little ones; in fact I quite adore them. I always dreamt of other things, travelling the world being the first and foremost. I wanted the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. The lifestyle I desired just didn’t have the time or place for poopy diapers.

There were countless times people would tell me, “Oh, you’ll change your mind one day, just you wait.” They would tell me how much joy a child can bring, and that I will never feel a greater love than that for my own child. I have always politely explained that I was well aware of those things, and I didn’t believe every aspect of parenthood was burdensome. I hesitate to add that most of this I have learned from raising my puppy, a boxer named Thor. I know some people get offended when I compare a dog and a human child, but it is ridiculous how much I love that boy. Regardless of how much responsibility he can be, I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Ignoring my experience with pet ownership, I am logical enough to deduce that people (most sane people, anyway), wouldn’t continue to reproduce if there wasn’t something uniquely rewarding about it. Like anything in life, though, it is a trade-off and I had made up my mind long ago about what I side I wanted to be on.



My early "mothering" days

Then one little pill (or lack thereof) changed my mind for me.

It was mid-June, and I only had a week and a half at work before I went on vacation. I had a lot of upcoming plans, but they mostly involved heavy amounts of drinking. As I struggled to make it through work thinking of all the upcoming debauchery, I suddenly realized I was “late”. I was on hormone birth control, so although it was odd I didn’t fret about it too much. (I had been on “the pill” since 18, and my body has always struggled to completely adjust to a regular cycle like it was supposed to). For peace of mind I stopped by the drugstore on my way home from work and picked up a cheap box of home pregnancy tests. I threw them on my bathroom counter and went about my normal evening. I was in no hurry to pee on a stick, especially when I knew the results had to be negative.

A couple hours later, I finally went to the bathroom and used my recent purchase. The instructions explained that a positive result would be indicated by a plus sign (makes sense), but it may take up to five minutes to appear. I looked down at the result window after no more than 15 seconds, there were those two intersecting lines. I felt my heart drop. Thankfully the box came with 3 tests, so I concluded the test must be defective. I used a second test. Same result. Number 3….. another plus sign. Of course I rationalized the whole batch of tests was faulty, so I ran to the store and picked up a different brand. It goes without saying there was no change in the outcome.



The undeniable digital confirmation

Suddenly the reality hit me: I was going to be a mother. Whether it was in my plans or not, there was a baby on the way. I thought as to how this possibly could have happened, and realized I had missed one pill a few weeks ago. Somehow against all odds, this one absent dose changed the course of the rest of my life.

Continue the story here.